{"id":1184,"date":"2026-05-20T14:06:20","date_gmt":"2026-05-20T14:06:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=1184"},"modified":"2026-05-20T14:06:20","modified_gmt":"2026-05-20T14:06:20","slug":"asking-eric-shes-the-party-boss-in-our-friend-group-and-im-tiring-of-the-hierarchy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=1184","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: She\u2019s the \u2018party boss\u2019 in our friend group, and I\u2019m tiring of the hierarchy"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric:<\/strong> Twenty years ago, I found myself a part of a group that initially started as a bunch of gym buddies.<\/p>\n

Read more Seminole looks to new indoor events complex to lure visitors<\/a><\/p>\n

I was brought inside the circle by the \u201cleader,\u201d i.e., the one who initiates and makes plans.<\/p>\n

Since the pandemic, the gatherings outside the gym (parties, social meetups) have increased a great deal.<\/p>\n

I feel resistance to our leader, who solely determines the theme, the food, the activities and the dress code for the parties or events. She has a strong personality, with the habit of saying what is on her mind with speech that can be harsh and shouty. There is a risk at any party of being called out by her for violations of the dress code.<\/p>\n

The other members seem fine with it. I do not understand why I can\u2019t just grin and bear it during parties. But I find myself not wanting to come to socials. I am resisting belonging in a group with a hierarchical nature.<\/p>\n

I have a fear of leaving not only because of possibly hurting her but because she is and has always been kind to me.\u00a0If I leave, it will not be taken lightly. And will I lose the opportunity to have these people in my life? What of their kindness?<\/p>\n

Am I just being too fussy?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Should I Stay or Go<\/em><\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Dear Stay or Go:<\/strong> While this group may have worked for you at one time, it seems clear that that is no longer the case. Social gatherings and meetups shouldn\u2019t be the source of so much stress. And no one should be shouted at for not following a dress code.<\/p>\n

Part of the guilt you feel may be coming from the controlling influence the group\u2019s leader has over the rest of you.<\/p>\n

She wants, and has gotten, a say over what you do, how you dress and what you say, so it makes sense that she is, in some way, a voice in your head telling you that leaving would be a betrayal of her kindness.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s important to remember that her feelings are her responsibility. If you step away with kindness and clarity of intention, any negativity she feels or expresses is on her side of the street. You may, indeed, lose some connections in the group, but not necessarily all of them. You have the ability \u2013 and the freedom \u2013 to make side plans and cultivate side relationships.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Ultimately, it seems healthier for you to be around people who respect your autonomy than to suppress that autonomy in the name of getting along.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> This is my wife\u2019s suggestion for resolving the letter writer\u2019s dilemma about a twin brother\u2019s request to announce his engagement in the midst of his sibling\u2019s wedding (\u201cAlready Saved the Date\u201d):<\/p>\n

Read more Wednesday is mostly sunny with showers and storms possible in the afternoon<\/a><\/p>\n

The sibling getting married should plan a toss of her bridal bouquet to the brother\u2019s girlfriend. The twin brother would then come forward and propose to his girlfriend!<\/p>\n

This solution allows the bride and the guests to celebrate the wedding undiluted by the brother\u2019s news, and allows the brother to take center stage as the bride is about to exit. The twins can collaborate on this plan rather than compete for attention, and the guests will enjoy this bonus, happy surprise. Everyone wins!<\/p>\n

\u2013 Lucky Husband<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Husband:<\/strong> I\u2019ll admit I was surprised by how many readers disagreed with my assertion that if the marrying twin didn\u2019t want the brother to propose at the wedding, the brother should find another time. It actually prompted quite a few responses.<\/p>\n

Personally, it would not be my choice but it doesn\u2019t matter what I\u2019d do. (I don\u2019t even have a twin!)<\/p>\n

Your wife\u2019s solution is very creative and could be a great way for the twins to work together for a shared celebration.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> We have friends who we have not seen in more than a decade. Yet the wife sends us cards for every holiday, our birthdays and at Christmas, many times with gift cards enclosed.<\/p>\n

For a while I told them to stop by and see us, or to call and chat. That never happens, and I am just wondering what her motivation is? Thanks for your thoughts.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Gifts Only<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Gifts<\/strong>: Respectfully, I don\u2019t have a way of knowing what her motivation is. But I can encourage you to ask. There\u2019s no harm in expressing curiosity because it helps us to know friends and loved ones better.<\/p>\n

She may find that she has capacity for sending cards \u2013 or even prefer that form of touching base \u2013 but that visits or phone calls are too much.<\/p>\n

Everyone communicates in their own ways, so the most helpful thing in this situation may be for you to ascertain what this gesture means. Then, you can share what visiting would mean to you.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Thai \u2019em all: Exploring some fresh Orlando options<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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