{"id":1749,"date":"2026-05-26T10:36:17","date_gmt":"2026-05-26T10:36:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=1749"},"modified":"2026-05-26T10:36:17","modified_gmt":"2026-05-26T10:36:17","slug":"asking-eric-they-are-wonderful-parents-but-their-living-conditions-are-horrible","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=1749","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: They are wonderful parents, but their living conditions are horrible"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric<\/strong>: My son is in his 40s and has been a stay-at-home dad for 12 years.<\/p>\n

His wife, same age, has a demanding job, and he is responsible for anything having to do with the house and their two middle school-aged girls. They all seem happy with this arrangement.<\/p>\n

Read more Hurricane season 2026: Florida had lull before, but then the tropics lined up a decade of storms<\/a><\/p>\n

Both girls are high achievers, happy at school and their other activities. The parents do have their hands full managing the dynamics because one of the girls has a pretty serious anxiety disorder.<\/p>\n

My son and his wife are two people of extraordinary intelligence and academic achievement and they are wonderful parents.<\/p>\n

But their living situation could fairly be described as squalor. One bathroom is not fully functional; there are clothes, hobby supplies, et cetera, all over the place. The kitchen has barely any space left in which to put things down.<\/p>\n

Needed repairs are ignored. The outside of the house is in disrepair and the yard is overgrown. I assure you this is not a matter of just not living up to my standards. No one would want their children raised in this environment.<\/p>\n

I offered to gift them a regular cleaning service, but my daughter-in-law was adamantly opposed. She doesn\u2019t want anyone in her space. We have made cash gifts at times to both our children but none of it goes toward maintaining their home.<\/p>\n

I am very concerned about my granddaughters coming of age in this environment. I\u2019m feeling like some intervention is needed. I\u2019m at a loss about what I can offer that is constructive. Your advice?<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

\u2013 Distressed by the Mess<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Distressed<\/strong>: It sounds like your son and daughter-in-law have their hands full and also have a high tolerance for clutter. You\u2019ll be best served by choosing your battles. If the house is cluttered but not dirty and the girls have their needs met \u2013 clean clothes, clean dishes, and the like \u2013 it may be easier to tackle the repairs, as those are undeniable problems.<\/p>\n

Telling your son and daughter-in-law that they live in squalor won\u2019t go as well as telling them something like, \u201cI have serious concerns about you and the children living in a place that\u2019s not fully functional. It makes me fearful for your health and well-being. I know you\u2019re good parents, but I implore you to let me help you by paying for the bathroom to be fixed (or lawn care or other repairs.)\u201d<\/p>\n

It may also be the case that the family, or members of the family, have hoarding tendencies. Hoarding is a mental disorder that requires empathy and patience, as well as intervention. You can read up on hoarding and resources for families on the International OCD Foundation\u2019s hoarding page.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Dear Eric<\/strong>: I am a widow with two single adult children. One, a recent college graduate, has a healthy salary. The other is barely scraping by.<\/p>\n

Read more Orlando Fringe announces 2026 Critics\u2019 Choice Awards<\/a><\/p>\n

Until now, I have been paying when we eat out together for Mother\u2019s Day and my birthday. I think it\u2019s time for this to stop, but they are resisting a change.<\/p>\n

On the last occasion, I suggested they cook dinner for me (since one of them is broke), and they told me they\u2019d rather go out to eat \u2013 but didn\u2019t offer to pay. I\u2019ve also suggested alternatives to dinner, such as helping with yardwork, which they immediately dismissed.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m afraid if I just tell them I\u2019m not paying anymore, they won\u2019t make the effort to get together at all. Any suggestions?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Feeling Unappreciated<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Feeling:<\/strong> I\u2019m frustrated on your behalf because it sounds like you\u2019ve communicated clearly what you would like and proposed solutions and yet your children either aren\u2019t hearing you or are actively rejecting what you\u2019re asking for. This isn\u2019t right. It\u2019s time to set a firmer boundary.<\/p>\n

What might help get the message across is a conversation that involves you laying out what you will and won\u2019t do anymore (i.e., no longer paying for meals out) as well as the anxiety you have about not getting together anymore.<\/p>\n

Your children need to mature into a different kind of relationship with you. Tell them that it\u2019s important to you that you continue to be in each other\u2019s lives and ask them if that\u2019s a value they share also. If it is a shared value, ask them, \u201cHow can we make this work for everyone?\u201d<\/p>\n

Although the money is an important factor, it\u2019s very likely that it\u2019s not the core issue. Your family is in need of a new way of communicating around this.<\/p>\n

This could be a growing edge for your kids; it could be the first time they\u2019ve been asked to think like this. But by drawing a clear line between the effort and expense you\u2019re putting out and the intention behind it, you empower them to step up. I hope they do.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Today in History: May 26, California Supreme Court upholds same-sex marriage ban<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I really worry about my grandchildren living in squalor.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":397,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1749","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: They are wonderful parents, but their living conditions are horrible - Orlando Relocation Report<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=1749\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: They are wonderful parents, but their living conditions are horrible - Orlando Relocation Report\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I really worry about my grandchildren living in squalor.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=1749\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Orlando Relocation Report\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-05-26T10:36:17+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=1749#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=1749\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/47d95744296542489ff5c4bd403450f8\"},\"headline\":\"Asking Eric: They are wonderful parents, but their living conditions are horrible\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-05-26T10:36:17+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=1749\"},\"wordCount\":914,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=1749#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/3ccac55769616238d9aeb193121c87e2.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=1749#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=1749\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=1749\",\"name\":\"Asking Eric: They are wonderful parents, but their living conditions are horrible - 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