{"id":2318,"date":"2026-06-01T10:03:54","date_gmt":"2026-06-01T10:03:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=2318"},"modified":"2026-06-01T10:03:54","modified_gmt":"2026-06-01T10:03:54","slug":"asking-eric-should-i-tell-our-aunt-why-the-family-has-become-exhausted-with-her","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=2318","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: Should I tell our aunt why the family has become exhausted with her?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric:<\/strong> How can I lovingly set boundaries with an aging, widowed and childless aunt who is seeking more connection but whose long-standing self-centered behavior \u2013 dominating conversations, disregarding others\u2019 needs, and making unrealistic emotional demands \u2013 has exhausted much of the extended family?<\/p>\n

Read more Trump is facing a new inflation warning from the bond market, adding to his midterm challenges<\/a><\/p>\n

In the last decade I\u2019ve been her main support from the family, especially during her husband\u2019s long illness, after his death and during her more recent serious health issues. She\u2019s sensitive, lonely and not very self-aware, yet expects frequent contact and priority attention.<\/p>\n

She has a therapist and meets with her regularly. For any decisions in her life, she goes over them endlessly, with her therapist, with her friends, with her family members.<\/p>\n

So far, she rejects the idea of joining a continuing care community where she might make new friends and have better support as she grows older far away from any family members. She expects a lot from her friends when she needs caregiving support; I think this has strained her existing friendships.<\/p>\n

She\u2019s hurt that she is not more readily integrated into family vacations, et cetera. She finds herself alone at the holidays, yet she has always expressed a lack of desire to come back to our part of the country, even when invited. Her siblings aren\u2019t direct with her about how she has burned them out over the years. So, she\u2019s left asking me why various members of the extended family don\u2019t include her more.<\/p>\n

How can I help her recognize that her long-standing behavior patterns are isolating her at the same time that she seeks deeper connection, without alienating her or causing undue hurt?<\/p>\n

How do I guide her to make practical decisions about how to structure her life if she stays geographically far away from our family or moves closer, without ending up in endless repetitive conversations on these topics, as is her mode?<\/p>\n

How can I guide her to be a more reciprocal family member if she wants greater integration with and invitations from any of our nuclear families going forward?<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

\u2013 Family Lesson<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Family:<\/strong> With respect, it sounds like you\u2019re taking on more responsibility than you should for your aunt\u2019s emotional intelligence. It\u2019s not your job to teach her how to be in a relationship with other people and, in fact, these efforts may be disempowering her.<\/p>\n

There could be other things going on for her emotionally or mentally that create these feedback loops she gets stuck in. You can be an outstretched hand that she can follow out of the loop, but she has to take the steps.<\/p>\n

To that end, be upfront with her about what you\u2019re experiencing and what, specifically, you\u2019d like to change. For instance, you might say, \u201cI want to be helpful as you think about a potential move, but I don\u2019t have the capacity to keep discussing it. When you make a decision, let\u2019s talk about what ways I can support you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: My family\u2019s employee gave my child too big of a gift<\/a><\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Or, with regard to other family members\u2019 distance, you might tell her, \u201cPersonally, I don\u2019t think they\u2019re being direct, so you should ask them about it directly. But putting me in the middle is complicating our relationship.\u201d<\/p>\n

These kinds of boundaries may be hard for her to accept or understand initially, but they\u2019ll be healthier for both of you.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric<\/strong>: Recently, my son moved into his new home. His girlfriend called her friends a few times to help. They never answered her calls.<\/p>\n

Who doesn\u2019t keep their cellphones near them? Apparently, they didn\u2019t want to help. I helped them move in that day. My wife and I helped a few days earlier.<\/p>\n

A few weeks prior, my son and his girlfriend helped the same friends move into their new home. Why are people like this?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Moving Day<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Moving<\/strong>: Short answer? Selfishness. A lot of people don\u2019t like to move, which is why it\u2019s become a kind of litmus test for friendship. (There\u2019s that cheeky adage, \u201cA friend will help you move; a good friend will help you move a body.\u201d)<\/p>\n

It\u2019s no small thing to ask someone to help you carry a couch up a few flights of stairs. It\u2019s nice when friends can do it, but it\u2019s not a requirement of every friendship.<\/p>\n

Sometimes friends aren\u2019t physically able, or don\u2019t have the time, or simply would rather help in another way. And that\u2019s fine. What\u2019s important is that they tell you what they can or can\u2019t do in advance and live up to their word. And, unfortunately, your son\u2019s girlfriend\u2019s friends failed at that second part.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s a less catchy but still true adage: A friend will help you move; a good friend communicates clearly. This may be one of those things your son and his girlfriend need to learn through trial and error. Here\u2019s hoping they make better friends.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Judge to decide if a key hearing for the man accused of killing Charlie Kirk will be public<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

She\u2019s lonely and not very self-aware, yet expects frequent contact and priority attention.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":397,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2318","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: Should I tell our aunt why the family has become exhausted with her? - Orlando Relocation Report<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=2318\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: Should I tell our aunt why the family has become exhausted with her? - Orlando Relocation Report\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"She\u2019s lonely and not very self-aware, yet expects frequent contact and priority attention.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=2318\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Orlando Relocation Report\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-06-01T10:03:54+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=2318#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=2318\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/47d95744296542489ff5c4bd403450f8\"},\"headline\":\"Asking Eric: Should I tell our aunt why the family has become exhausted with her?\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-06-01T10:03:54+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=2318\"},\"wordCount\":935,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=2318#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/3ccac55769616238d9aeb193121c87e2.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=2318#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=2318\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=2318\",\"name\":\"Asking Eric: Should I tell our aunt why the family has become exhausted with her? 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