{"id":2635,"date":"2026-06-03T12:36:29","date_gmt":"2026-06-03T12:36:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=2635"},"modified":"2026-06-03T12:36:29","modified_gmt":"2026-06-03T12:36:29","slug":"asking-eric-my-adult-children-are-keeping-me-at-arms-length-and-i-dont-know-what-to-do","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=2635","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: My adult children are keeping me at arm\u2019s length, and I don\u2019t know what to do"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric:<\/strong> I have two adult children; they both are married and live in different states away from me.<\/p>\n

Read more Cold front moving southward brings isolated morning showers and storms<\/a><\/p>\n

I worked very hard to be a good and loving parent and, after a divorce that I did not want, I struggled a lot emotionally. The children lost their home and so did I. I have been on excellent terms with my children.<\/p>\n

This year my daughter told me that she is dealing with her feelings from her past and does not want to communicate with me at all anymore. She has become very close to my ex and his family, and she got married.<\/p>\n

My son has two beautiful children and a wonderful wife. I wanted to move to be closer to my grandchildren, but my son said that he and his wife prefer if I only make visits seasonally.<\/p>\n

I live alone in a state where I have no family. I do not know what to do and feel very scared and alone in the world. I just don\u2019t know how to do this part of life, and I desperately miss my children and wish they would allow me into their current lives in some way.<\/p>\n

Do you have any advice for me?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Granny Alone<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Granny:<\/strong> I\u2019m so sorry you\u2019re experiencing this. The pain and fear you have now, and the struggles you\u2019ve had to navigate in the past, are a heavy weight.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

First of all, you can move wherever you want. It sounds like there is work to be done on your relationship with your son, but his preference that you visit seasonally is just a preference. And living closer doesn\u2019t necessarily mean that you\u2019ll have to visit more. So, if being in a different community will help you, make those plans anyway.<\/p>\n

Consider writing your son and daughter letters explaining what you\u2019re going through, what challenges you\u2019re facing, and, specifically, what you would like your relationships with them to look like. Talk about your confusion regarding the change in your relationships with them and your willingness to do what\u2019s necessary to get back to a healthier place.<\/p>\n

This is just the first step in rebuilding these relationships, and it may not produce results right away. This is why it\u2019s important that you start to build other relationships, rather through volunteering, faith community, a senior center, or by reaching out to friends.<\/p>\n

Many older adults find it hard to build new relationships as life goes on and longtime friends move or pass away. I mention this to reassure you that you\u2019re not alone, but also to emphasize how crucial it is that you reach out, even though it\u2019s hard.<\/p>\n

Read more A Kissimmee student earned a top mark on Florida\u2019s history exam. The district made him retake it<\/a><\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> Having been involved in the caretaking of several friends or members of family who are in the process of dying, I found the letter from \u201cTwo Left Behind,\u201d about two friends who were being shut out of their third friend\u2019s end-of-life process, heartbreaking.<\/p>\n

Some of the people I have worked with want friends and family around as much as possible and seem to only be limited by their own energy and awareness. They don\u2019t want to die alone, but rather to be surrounded by those who can give them support and love.<\/p>\n

At the other end are those who want to \u201cgo out\u201d in a much more private manner, not alone necessarily, but with a very limited number of people, mostly family.<\/p>\n

I know for a fact one of those people didn\u2019t want others to remember her as she looked when she was sick. Another had spiritual \u201cwork\u201d to do. And another was just so mad, she really only tolerated those who could offer care and services, so different from her earlier healthy days when she was the life of the party and known for her positive outlook on life.<\/p>\n

I guess what I am asking \u201cTwo\u201d is to understand that dying is a very personal thing and it is best to remember the good times you have had with the person and try not to focus on why you were left out of the dying process, which is often a rollercoaster itself.<\/p>\n

Each person handles it on their own terms \u2013 some with fear, some with hope, some with silence, some with activity, some just don\u2019t want people to see them sick. But it is a time to let them finish their time here on this planet as they may.<\/p>\n

I encourage people to focus on the good memories and friendships that they were able to live together.<\/p>\n

\u2013 It Is Never Easy or Simple<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Never Easy or Simple:<\/strong> Thank you for this very wise perspective and important reminder. In a similar vein, I found the book \u201cThe In-Between: Unforgettable Encounters During Life\u2019s Final Moments\u201d by hospice nurse Hadley Vlahos to be extraordinarily enlightening.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more 10 Affordable Products That Help You Stay Cool<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Eric Thomas: I live alone in a different state, and I don’t know what to do.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":19,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2635","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: My adult children are keeping me at arm\u2019s length, and I don\u2019t know what to do - Orlando Relocation Report<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=2635\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: My adult children are keeping me at arm\u2019s length, and I don\u2019t know what to do - 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