{"id":4203,"date":"2026-06-14T13:33:38","date_gmt":"2026-06-14T13:33:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=4203"},"modified":"2026-06-14T13:33:38","modified_gmt":"2026-06-14T13:33:38","slug":"asking-eric-it-just-feels-wrong-for-me-to-go-to-the-wedding","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=4203","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: It just feels wrong for me to go to the wedding"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric:<\/strong> Three years ago, I had a falling-out with my cousin, Harris, at a family gathering.<\/p>\n

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Harris, like me, is a retiree in his mid-60s. We had been friendly before this. Harris also has three siblings, and I am on great terms with all of them.<\/p>\n

He confronted me about something I wrote in the family gathering\u2019s logbook that he found negative. I attempted to apologize, but he rejected it and refused to talk. He left the next day, and I have not seen him since, nor had any contact as of three years later.<\/p>\n

I wrote an email a month after the incident, saying I wanted to talk; no reply. I wrote a letter four months later and another letter a year later, in which I implored him to call or email. Nada. I phoned, left a voicemail at one point, also not acknowledged.<\/p>\n

Finally, five months ago, I wrote one more letter, asking to talk. None of this correspondence has been acknowledged.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile he communicates with my brothers, and via group text that I am part of. I remain in touch with his two sisters and his brother, but have never mentioned any of this to them. I do not know if they are aware of the falling-out; if they are, I suspect they consider it a matter between Harris and me. I don\u2019t dispute that.<\/p>\n

Harris has informed my brothers and me of his daughter\u2019s forthcoming wedding, with a reception and an out-of-town guest dinner. We will all be invited, formal invites to come.<\/p>\n

I could travel to the wedding and likely would do so if not for the falling-out and the ghosting. It just does not feel right to me to attend when I have zero relationship with the father of the bride.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Two of my brothers plan to attend, the third is unlikely to for separate reasons.<\/p>\n

Do I go to the wedding and see what happens? Or just send a card to the bride and groom?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Out in Oregon<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Oregon:<\/strong> If you get a formal invitation from the bride and groom, consider yourself invited and go if you think you\u2019ll have the opportunity to support and celebrate other family members.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Harris has made it clear that he\u2019s uninterested in mending fences, so respect that. You and he may never go back to being friendly, but if he\u2019s not personally excluding you from the wedding plans, there\u2019s no reason to let your conflict bleed into other relationships in your family.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> I feel uncomfortable when people speak negatively about their bodies while in conversation with just me.<\/p>\n

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I don\u2019t know what to say in the moment and often replay the conversation later. I\u2019m not comfortable offering reassurance or advice, and I\u2019d rather avoid these discussions altogether.<\/p>\n

I try to respond briefly and change the subject, but it still feels awkward, especially when people compare themselves to me.<\/p>\n

How can I respond kindly?<\/p>\n

\u2013 At a Loss for Words<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Words<\/strong>: Something as simple as \u201cI\u2019m sorry you feel that way\u201d can convey compassion without piling on or getting drawn into a discussion you want to avoid.<\/p>\n

However, in reading your question I kept coming back to the last thing you wrote \u2013 that people are often comparing themselves to you when speaking negatively about themselves. Is it possible that some of your discomfort also stems from a very reasonable desire to not have your body spoken about?<\/p>\n

When people make these comparisons, they may think that what they\u2019re saying is benign or even complimentary. But if it\u2019s not landing that way for you, then it\u2019s not welcome.<\/p>\n

Maybe you don\u2019t want to be the image that another person uses to denigrate themselves. Maybe you don\u2019t want commentary on your body at all. These are more than reasonable wants. No one\u2019s body is fair conversational game.<\/p>\n

And it would do everyone a lot of good to remember to ask before making a comment, even if that comment is intended as a compliment.<\/p>\n

This can be hard for some folks to reckon with. \u201cWhy can\u2019t I tell someone their hair looks nice?\u201d You can, if they\u2019re open to it. But there are many reasons that a person wouldn\u2019t want to talk about their hair or their hips or their spleen or what have you. The reasons might be medical, emotional or just a matter of preference.<\/p>\n

We don\u2019t have to walk on eggshells around each other. We just have to be conscientious and respectful.<\/p>\n

So, to that end, if comments about your body are making you uncomfortable, say so. \u201cI know you mean well, but I don\u2019t want to talk about my body. I appreciate that you have an opinion, but we\u2019ve all got things we like and things we\u2019d like to change. Let\u2019s leave it at that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more What are \u2018pocket listings\u2019 in real estate and why are they so controversial?<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The bride’s father abruptly stopped speaking to me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":19,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4203","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: It just feels wrong for me to go to the wedding - Orlando Relocation Report<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=4203\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: It just feels wrong for me to go to the wedding - Orlando Relocation Report\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The bride's father abruptly stopped speaking to me.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=4203\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Orlando Relocation Report\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-06-14T13:33:38+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=4203#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=4203\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/47d95744296542489ff5c4bd403450f8\"},\"headline\":\"Asking Eric: It just feels wrong for me to go to the wedding\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-06-14T13:33:38+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=4203\"},\"wordCount\":913,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=4203#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/9bb008b98fdbacc5e228994638e7454e.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=4203#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=4203\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=4203\",\"name\":\"Asking Eric: It just feels wrong for me to go to the wedding - 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