{"id":4357,"date":"2026-06-16T12:05:36","date_gmt":"2026-06-16T12:05:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=4357"},"modified":"2026-06-16T12:05:36","modified_gmt":"2026-06-16T12:05:36","slug":"asking-eric-my-mother-is-in-a-tailspin-and-shes-trying-to-blame-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=4357","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: My mother is in a tailspin, and she\u2019s trying to blame me"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric<\/strong>: My 93-year-old mother is in an assisted-living facility. She has been there for 2\u00bd years.<\/p>\n

Read more Scattered showers and storms mixed with intense heat for Central Florida<\/a><\/p>\n

Her decline began when she lost her brother with whom she lived. She has not been able to deal with his death and has lost the will to live.<\/p>\n

She stayed with me for one month following his death but wanted to return home so I agreed on a trial basis. I need to mention that she takes many medications, one of which she needs every four hours. I have been managing her meds for years.<\/p>\n

Six months after she returned home, I found her unresponsive because she OD\u2019d on one of her meds on purpose.<\/p>\n

She would not accept a health aide coming to her home because she says they steal from you. I couldn\u2019t risk taking her back to her home and she didn\u2019t want to live with me, so she said she wanted to live in assisted living.<\/p>\n

I sold her house, which she agreed to at the time, and now she regrets it.<\/p>\n

Now she is miserable and she has the beginning of dementia. I cannot bring her to my home because of the need for someone to watch her 24\/7 to make sure she doesn\u2019t harm herself.<\/p>\n

All she does is cry and says she is depressed. She is putting the guilt trip on me, and I am having a hard time dealing with this. What can I do to feel better about this situation, and am I doing the right thing by keeping her there?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u2013 Feeling Guilty<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Guilty<\/strong>: I\u2019m so sorry for the situation you and your mother are in. It\u2019s important for you \u2013 and for her \u2013 to remember that a lot of this is beyond anyone\u2019s control.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re making the best choices available to you. Your mother may not always like those choices, but you\u2019re not acting out of malice. Emotionally or cognitively, she may not be able to fully process this. That\u2019s something you may have to accept, just as you\u2019ve accepted and accommodate her other health challenges.<\/p>\n

Talk to her care team at the assisted-living facility or her primary caregiver about getting her support for depression. You write that she never fully recovered from her brother\u2019s death and that she made an attempt on her life. Her grief may be overwhelming and making her current situation even worse. These aren\u2019t things that you can take away, unfortunately, but there is help available for her.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> My husband and I are retired. He is 81, and we have been married for 29 years. In the last several years he has refused to get rid of anything.<\/p>\n

Read more FPL parent company agrees to $150M to end lawsuit over past controversies<\/a><\/p>\n

We downsized five years ago. During the move, he was to go through the basement, work bench and garage. Unfortunately, he got rid of barely anything. I was able to get him to donate some coats he could not wear but that was about all.<\/p>\n

Currently our basement and garage are full of things he has not used in 20 years. He no longer does much around the house, so all these tools and things are just cluttering.<\/p>\n

Whenever I approach clearing things out, he gets upset and says no way. This has caused me a lot of stress.<\/p>\n

Please help.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Too Much Stuff<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Stuff:<\/strong> Your household will likely benefit from the help of a third party, who can work with him and relieve you of the burden of convincing him to downsize.<\/p>\n

It sounds like it\u2019s not a shared value, so the first step would be establishing what you need, and hearing what he needs. If he is hoarding things, or if his belongings create a dangerous environment, for instance, then one of your stated needs should be safety \u2013 for yourselves and anyone who might enter the home to help you.<\/p>\n

The conversation then becomes about whether safety is a shared value and what you can do, together or separately, to honor that value. In this instance, he may not be motivated to fully downsize, but he could see how his habits are impacting you and work on remedies.<\/p>\n

A senior manager or professional downsizer will be really invaluable here. Often, the prospect of downsizing can seem too cut-and-dried \u2013 one day you have your things; the next day you don\u2019t. A skilled downsizer will listen to you, help you identify what\u2019s important \u2013 emotionally, logistically, financially \u2013 and work with you to edit. This may be a helpful readjustment for your husband.<\/p>\n

Talking to a downsizer may also help you to identify what of his belongings feels bothersome to you and what\u2019s just stuff. That distinction may help you to investigate and honor your feelings, which can reduce stress.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: Confrontation over her cellphone video escalated to threats<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I sold her house, which she agreed to at the time, and now she regrets it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":397,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4357","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: My mother is in a tailspin, and she\u2019s trying to blame me - Orlando Relocation Report<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=4357\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: My mother is in a tailspin, and she\u2019s trying to blame me - Orlando Relocation Report\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I sold her house, which she agreed to at the time, and now she regrets it.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=4357\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Orlando Relocation Report\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-06-16T12:05:36+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=4357#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=4357\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/47d95744296542489ff5c4bd403450f8\"},\"headline\":\"Asking Eric: My mother is in a tailspin, and she\u2019s trying to blame me\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-06-16T12:05:36+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=4357\"},\"wordCount\":879,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=4357#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/3ccac55769616238d9aeb193121c87e2.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=4357#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=4357\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/orlandorelocationreport.com\\\/?p=4357\",\"name\":\"Asking Eric: My mother is in a tailspin, and she\u2019s trying to blame me - 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