{"id":4553,"date":"2026-06-18T13:35:08","date_gmt":"2026-06-18T13:35:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=4553"},"modified":"2026-06-18T13:35:08","modified_gmt":"2026-06-18T13:35:08","slug":"asking-eric-he-made-me-laugh-and-also-cringe-the-cringing-won-out","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=4553","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: He made me laugh and also cringe. The cringing won out."},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric<\/strong>: I am 72 years old and have been divorced for almost 25 years.<\/p>\n

For the first 12 years or so after my divorce, I dated a lot. I met men through dating websites and through mutual friends. However, I finally left the dating scene for several reasons.<\/p>\n

Read more Game time: LEVEL99 sets opening date for Disney Springs location<\/a><\/p>\n

I am content with my singleness. I have many friends and acquaintances through church, where I also volunteer.<\/p>\n

Earlier this year, I became Facebook friends with a man who is a cousin of a mutual friend. I am really not interested in becoming serious with anyone. After weeks of communicating through Facebook Messenger, he mentioned meeting for lunch. I agreed, thinking it would be nice to have a male friend to do things together occasionally, like dining out or going to the movies.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t mention this during our online correspondence.<\/p>\n

I had a great time, and we have quite a few things in common. He is funny and made me laugh.<\/p>\n

However, I made no mention during our lunch that I only wanted friendship. Why? Because of his table manners (talking with his mouth full of food) and his hygiene (his fingernails were ragged and dirty). I can\u2019t see myself spending any more time in his presence.<\/p>\n

Since then, he has hinted, through Facebook correspondence, at getting together again. I wouldn\u2019t mind a friendship, but how can I let him know why I don\u2019t want to spend time with him? I don\u2019t want to hurt his feelings.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u2013 Seeking Friendship<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Friendship<\/strong>: It sounds like you might have some conflicting impulses with regard to this person, which is fine.<\/p>\n

You write that you enjoyed your time and wouldn\u2019t mind a friendship. But you also write that you can\u2019t see yourself spending more time in his presence. These are both reasonable feelings \u2013 you\u2019re entitled to your opinion. But it leads me to believe this just isn\u2019t a match for you right now.<\/p>\n

Now, if you were interested in developing a friendship, you could certainly express what you\u2019d like to change for it to happen, i.e., suggesting that you not go out to eat because you prefer not to see people talking with food in their mouths. It would also be appropriate in this conversation to set an expectation about what kind of relationship you\u2019re looking for, i.e., friendship and nothing romantic. It\u2019s never too late to define the boundary.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

The things you found objectionable about him are relatively minor and can be worked around or adjusted. That\u2019s part of what friendship entails: meeting each other in the middle. If you do think it\u2019s worth pursuing, be upfront and kind. But if you don\u2019t want to pursue it, you don\u2019t have to go into detail. Just saying you appreciate his time but it\u2019s not a match is fine.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric<\/strong>: I\u2019m mid-50s and I have three jobs (two part-time as a college professor). I also have three grown children, a husband, my parents and many friends.<\/p>\n

I constantly get requests from co-workers and other friends for happy hours, dinners, brunches, workshops, seminars and other events.<\/p>\n

Read more Central Florida receives heat advisory for hot, muggy and wet Thursday<\/a><\/p>\n

As it is, I have a brutal work schedule of about 60 to 80 hours per week, not including personal tasks and then social events. It\u2019s not impacting my health, yet.<\/p>\n

How do I respond with \u201cI just want some peace and quiet\u201d without offending people? Or, perhaps, a better question is, am I prioritizing the right things in my life?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Overworked in Colorado<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Overworked:<\/strong> Anyone working as much as you are deserves as much or as little brunch, workshopping or sleeping as they want.<\/p>\n

It does sound like you\u2019re prioritizing a lot \u2013 some of it, like your jobs, by necessity. You\u2019re doing what you have to do to make your life work and to show up as much as you can for those closest to you.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re not feeling the need right now to expand your professional network through socializing, and you\u2019re not receiving any informed feedback that would suggest said socializing might materially benefit you, then you\u2019re fine to skip it. It\u2019s just not something that works for you right now.<\/p>\n

Right now is not forever. You\u2019re free to change your mind, change your schedule, say yes to one thing and no to 100 other things. We all do this. No one is universally available for every plan.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s important to remember that other people\u2019s priorities aren\u2019t your priorities. So, if someone gets offended by you saying, \u201cI appreciate the invite, but I\u2019m at capacity right now,\u201d that\u2019s not a problem you need to clean up.<\/p>\n

Peace and quiet is absolutely a valid reason to decline plans. You can\u2019t pour from an empty cup.<\/p>\n

At some point, you might want to read \u201cHow to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy\u201d by Jenny Odell. (But only if you have the time!)<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Ask a real estate pro: Can condo board set $42K special assessment for structural repairs?<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Eric Thomas: What’s a non-hurtful way to say I’m not going to be spending time with him?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":19,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4553","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: He made me laugh and also cringe. The cringing won out. - Orlando Relocation Report<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=4553\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: He made me laugh and also cringe. 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