{"id":599,"date":"2026-05-14T10:35:10","date_gmt":"2026-05-14T10:35:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=599"},"modified":"2026-05-14T10:35:10","modified_gmt":"2026-05-14T10:35:10","slug":"asking-eric-my-friends-ditched-me-for-this-newcomer-now-theyre-sorry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=599","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: My friends ditched me for this newcomer. Now they\u2019re sorry."},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric:<\/strong> I was part of a group of 10 moms in a community. We were all close but five of us were very close and the \u201csocial leaders\u201d of the group. Just to differentiate, I\u2019ll call this subgroup \u201cThe Five.\u201d<\/p>\n

Read more Pictures: Birmingham Stallions vs. Orlando Storm<\/a><\/p>\n

A woman moved into the neighborhood whom one of The Five knew. From the very start this woman made me uncomfortable. I tried to shake it off and hung out with them a couple of times, but it was just awful.<\/p>\n

I mentioned it to the three other moms (not the one who knew her). I was told that I was being unfair and judgmental.<\/p>\n

I decided I would step back and let them be friends, hoping we could also continue our friendship, too. Instead, they all dropped me. They unfriended me on social media and no one was interested in going for so much as a coffee, let alone brunch.<\/p>\n

Now, six months later, the newcomer convinced the mom she knew to get rid of two of the three other moms. And they have turned to me, apologizing for how they treated me and saying they would like another chance. But I have no interest in rekindling these \u201cfriendships.\u201d<\/p>\n

Am I being too harsh?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Former Friend<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Friend<\/strong>: The dissolution of these friendships seems to have escalated really quickly, and your former friends had their feet firmly planted on the gas pedal. It\u2019s no wonder you feel less than compelled to start again.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

It would be different if things had simply petered out and they were looking to rebuild. But their actions \u2013 the unfriending, the social ostracization \u2013 were unkind and extreme, at least from your telling.<\/p>\n

If you have no interest in starting over, forcing yourself to grin and bear a reunion isn\u2019t likely to get you very far.<\/p>\n

Now, if you do believe there\u2019s something to salvage here, once bruised feelings heal and amends are made, it could be worth thinking about what \u201canother chance\u201d looks like. What can the friendship be moving forward? And what do you need from these former friends to be able to trust them?<\/p>\n

But again, if you\u2019d rather put all of this behind you, there\u2019s nothing wrong with telling them \u201cthanks but no thanks.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Dear Eric<\/strong>: So often we read questions from people seeking friends and how to do that. We have the opposite problem. How do we gracefully say no to all of the askers?<\/p>\n

Read more Pictures: Sentinel 150 anniversary \u2018Ol\u2019 Watchdog\u2019 whiskey release at Forward\/Slash<\/a><\/p>\n

My husband and I are in our mid-80s and 70s, respectively, and have a problem we feel lucky to have, but aren\u2019t sure how to resolve with love and respect.<\/p>\n

We are grateful for the many friends we\u2019ve made over the years in our professional and personal lives, volunteering and teaching (my husband). Every week we receive invitations to have dinners, lunches or coffee with many of them. We love them and wish them well, but now we\u2019re tired and our lives are full enough.<\/p>\n

For example, my husband meets either in person, on Zoom or by phone with more than 10 people weekly. I have nerve issues that make speaking increasingly more painful, so I dislike meals or phone calls. I\u2019ve had people respond negatively when I suggested keeping in touch by email.<\/p>\n

My husband and I agree that it\u2019s over the top, and we choose to slow down. But how?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Grateful and Tired Now<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Grateful:<\/strong> It\u2019s so healthy that you\u2019re recognizing and honoring your impulses here. Friendships have seasons, as does our capacity for social engagement. It\u2019s good that you\u2019re listening to the parts of yourselves that want to commit energy elsewhere.<\/p>\n

For friends with whom you\u2019re close, consider a brief, proactive conversation before the next invite.<\/p>\n

You can tell them that you feel grateful for their invites and don\u2019t take them for granted, but that you want to let them know about a change you\u2019re experiencing. You don\u2019t have to go into great detail, but you might say something like, \u201cWe\u2019re more likely to decline invites and I hope you understand that it doesn\u2019t reflect any ambivalence toward you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Invite them to respect and respond to your changes by finding new ways of staying in touch, like the emailing that you mentioned. Hopefully the context will help people understand your request. If someone is still responding negatively to the suggestion of email after this, that\u2019s a blockage that they need to resolve for themselves. You can ask, \u201cwhat would you suggest?\u201d or you can just let it be.<\/p>\n

For more casual or professional acquaintances, you may want to reset expectations on a case-by-case basis by saying something like, \u201cwe\u2019re declining now and will be doing so more moving forward. Health challenges and the changing paces of our lives are asking us to slow down and we\u2019re listening. We hope you understand it\u2019s not personal.\u201d<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Pictures: Record-breaking number of visitors to Orlando in 2025<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My former friends want to make amends after they all alienated me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":397,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-599","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: My friends ditched me for this newcomer. Now they\u2019re sorry. - Orlando Relocation Report<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=599\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: My friends ditched me for this newcomer. 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