{"id":793,"date":"2026-05-16T14:34:20","date_gmt":"2026-05-16T14:34:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=793"},"modified":"2026-05-16T14:34:20","modified_gmt":"2026-05-16T14:34:20","slug":"asking-eric-does-my-wedding-gift-philosophy-make-me-a-grouch","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orlandorelocationreport.com\/?p=793","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: Does my wedding gift philosophy make me a grouch?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric:<\/strong> With wedding season coming up, please settle a long-running debate between my husband and myself.<\/p>\n

Read more Magic legend Tracy McGrady relaunches 1-on-1 league with competitive opener<\/a><\/p>\n

I\u2019m OK with giving more money to close family and friends, people we see often socially, or even some family we don\u2019t see too often. But if it\u2019s a couple we don\u2019t know that well, say a child of co-workers, or people we used to work with and don\u2019t see anymore, even children of cousins who couldn\u2019t pick us out of a crowd, I\u2019m OK giving less.<\/p>\n

He feels we should at least cover what the plate will cost them. I feel it\u2019s not my responsibility to cover that if they get married at \u201cThe Plaza\u201d where the cost is out of our budget.<\/p>\n

Part of my reasoning too, is some of these weddings don\u2019t have food choices for everyone like they used to. I\u2019ve been to weddings where it was all barbecue, or all Mexican food, and even one that was vegetarian that we actually left early and got something to eat on the way home.<\/p>\n

When we got married, the monetary gifts didn\u2019t cover the cost of the wedding. I don\u2019t think marrying couples should expect their guests to pay for all their choices. Am I a grouch or is my husband too generous?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Wondering Wedding Guest<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Guest:<\/strong> You should let your budget and your relationship to the couple be your guide when it comes to wedding gifts.<\/p>\n

Giving beyond your means might create a stressful experience or even provoke resentment. Feeling obligated to give more despite not feeling close could do the same. So, I don\u2019t think you\u2019re a grouch, nor do I think your husband is being too generous. It sounds like you\u2019re trying to manage being conscientious guests without feeling overextended.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

According to a 2024 study by the wedding website The Knot, the average guest spends $150 on a wedding gift. Now, because this is an average, there\u2019s a range. Presumably that range will be quite large, impacted by the factors mentioned above, as well as a host of other factors.<\/p>\n

So, the good news is that there\u2019s no hard-and-fast rule. And those who are knowledgeable about etiquette have moved away from the \u201cpay for your plate\u201d concept, mostly because guests shouldn\u2019t know how much their meal costs. (Indeed, the barbeque, the Mexican, or the vegetarian all could have come with hefty price tags, depending on the caterer.)<\/p>\n

Nowadays, a lot of couples will invite guests to contribute money to a set goal, like a honeymoon or a down payment. I like to think about gifts in that context: You\u2019re not paying back a debt, you\u2019re helping the couple move closer to a goal.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> I moved to a new city a few years ago because I felt like I needed a change of pace after a job change and a breakup. I\u2019m 32, if that helps.<\/p>\n

Read more Commentary: Addressing Central Florida\u2019s affordable-housing shortage<\/a><\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

It\u2019s a big city that a lot of people like. I\u2019m not one of those people. I\u2019ve really tried it, but I don\u2019t understand the social rhythms, I\u2019ve struggled to make friends, and I just plain don\u2019t like being here. I spend most of my time (and money) visiting friends back home.<\/p>\n

I feel like it\u2019s not very adult of me to pick up and leave, but it\u2019s what I want to do. Do I have to stay and make it work?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Homesick<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Homesick<\/strong>: Get those moving boxes ready.<\/p>\n

It may feel like you\u2019re letting the past version of yourself down by calling it quits, but Past You was doing what you needed in the moment. You were trying something new, but you were also asking yourself a question. Now you\u2019ve got an answer to that question. And Current You doesn\u2019t need the same things.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t chastise yourself for changing your mind. Congratulate yourself on learning more about yourself.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric<\/strong>: I just read the letter from \u201cWorn-Out Brother,\u201d whose senior citizen sibling suffered from alcoholism and needed medical care that his sons weren\u2019t providing.<\/p>\n

I used to work as a certified nurse assistant in an assisted living facility, so I know how difficult these situations can be. And I\u2019d like to offer some resources.<\/p>\n

The Administration for Community Living\u2019s Eldercare Website (eldercare.acl.gov) is the single best resource for those who are aging and need any kind of assistance. You just type in your ZIP code, and it will show your local offices. They can provide care-based needs assessment, find case managers, explain local options and offer help with Medicaid<\/p>\n

I hope this helps.<\/p>\n

\u2013 CNA Who Gets It<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear CNA<\/strong>: Thank you for this very helpful letter. The website is quite comprehensive. Caregiving can come with so many questions. You\u2019ll be a help to many.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Editorial: Identify Florida\u2019s bogus nursing schools, and shut them down<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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