So I’m watching Disney executives and Imagineers reveal all those updates on rides, attractions and lands, but I’m distracted by the vast production of it all. That show didn’t take a village. It took a teeming metropolis.
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No matter how you feel about what was announced during the experiences showcase of the D23 event last week, you have to agree there was an impressive amount of moving pieces. Someone had to write animatronic-style banter. Someone had to approve disco-ball jumpsuits on the dancers. Someone had to name the Phoenicians band. Someone had to get the presenters to their spots on the midcentury-modern couch, then backstage, then back for the confetti finale.
It’s a lot. And for something that could have been an email. It’s a lot for a one-off event living on Disney+.
Not that I’m saying it should have been an email. Disney is, after all, an entertainment company, and they went for it. But many audience members, myself included, get a little antsy waiting for the next Walt Disney World headline. Here are observations from those times when my mind drifted.
The real Neil deal
We knew this from previous gigs, but Neil Patrick Harris is a natural host and also the right fit for the event. He’s a superfan, but he also makes gentle fun of the parks, the fan base and himself. And the dude is game, not afraid to look silly. He committed to the whole lingering animatronic bit as a pseudo dad/Mr. Carousel of Progress.
I liked the bit with John Stamos about Disney auctions, which was almost inside baseball … but also pop culture common knowledge, right?
A quibble would be Harris’ repeated uttering of “cool” and “I can’t wait.” But it’s not like he should say “Eh, I’m kinda meh on this.”
Close enough
Speaking of game, spike-heeled Glenn Close at her Cruella-est, going all freaking out during the Villains Land presentation. I truly forgot De Vil isn’t the focal point of either of the rides detailed. And she nailed my favorite line of the night while addressing Maleficent.
“When I heard that overstuffed purple handbag was getting her own ride, I thought to myself, surely that can’t be. I mean, dragon skin? Heavens, no.”
And then, upon finding out that the job of Imagineer Bruce Vaughn is designing parks, she said, “Theme parks? Those horrible noisy things that families are always doodling over? Someone actually designs them? What a senseless thing to do with your life!”
Put Glenn Close at the gates to Villains Land, and everything will be alright.
Disco Yeti is dead?
A digression from my digressing, but hang in here. Remember when Capt. Sully Sullenberger landed that jet safely on the Hudson River? That remarkable, heroic feat made him newsy and a media darling for a while in 2009. After a few days, a friend of mine expressed weariness about the coverage with “He was just doing his job.” My mind is still blown.
I saw that same sort of blowback for the “we are going to fix the Yeti” news out of Expedition Everest. Imagineers are just doing their jobs, some groused online, and that it shouldn’t be big news. Naysayers wanted new product news, I suppose.
Oh, but it is a big deal because folks have griped for a generation about Disco Yeti. Not that reviving an animatronic is an act of heroism, but take the win, y’all.
‘Survive’ instincts
Disco Yeti was one of the ways Disney poked fun at itself and then owned it by introducing Gloria Gaynor, who sang “I Will Survive” whilst sitting on a throne, surrounded by retro dancers.
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OK, it’s a stretch but a good time. Then I noticed that I couldn’t see anyone in the crowd standing or dancing. So much so I wondered if they had been asked not to stand. Maybe they were just unmoved. Nevertheless, this was a moment unlikely to happen again: Gaynor is 82 years old.
I also wondered if Hollywood Rip Ride Rockit were still standing at Universal Studios Florida, if this would have happened. “Survive” was one of its onboard soundtrack options.
Drawn that way
Serious work was done on the attractions’ renderings. For the Maleficent coaster coming to Magic Kingdom, a storybook-ish tale begins: “Enchanted briar ensnarls Maleficent’s fortress, posing a challenge to those who dare answer her invitation.” It is edged with thorny vines, goons on ladders and stained glass. Oh, and there’s a dragon-shaped shadow behind Maleficent.
A coaster train zips by, two passengers across, and there’s perhaps a demon on board.
It’s a good time to remind us that it’s an artist concept, not a blueprint.
For the other Villains Land ride, we do see images of Cruella, plus Jafar, Scar, Ursula and Magic Mirror. Passengers appear to be in a boat, though we see no actual water. There are kids in the front row, fitting for an attraction described as a classic dark ride without height restrictions.
In a concept for the wishing well, it’s bubbling over with green matter that morphs into sword-wielding skeletons and an angry jack-o’-lantern.
Over at Monstropolis, the land under construction at Disney’s Hollywood Studios, we can now see the usual “Monsters, Inc.” crew plus a slew of three-eared Splitting Hares. Outside is a fountain where Miss Piggy as Lady Liberty once stood.
Details, details
What theme parkers really want/demand are details like when and where and how much. We are an impatient lot. Get one ride up and almost running, and we want to know when it will be updated and why can’t we have nice things.
Intriguing but vague were the announcements of the “fixed” Yeti and the return of Dreamfinder at Epcot. Are we starting from scratch with the beast? Feels like there would be downtime, perhaps extended downtime, for the ride. Timeframe? Hologram?
The script was deliberately worded, I’d say. Folks are still jumpy about the announced Mary Poppins attraction that never was at Epcot.
“We are taking a new journey into Imagination at Epcot with Figment and Dreamfinder,” said Thomas Mazloum, chairman of Disney Experiences.
One friend noted this could be anything from a cupcake to a complete bulldozing.
Keep a spoonful of sugar handy.
Email me at [email protected]. BlueSky: @themeparksdb. Threads account: @dbevil. X account: @themeparks. Subscribe to the Theme Park Rangers newsletter at orlandosentinel.com/newsletters.
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