Last year, my pal and podcast partner, Anthony “Biggie” Bencomo, and I went on a chicken tender bender.
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It was an amusing exploration, in part because when it comes to fast-food fingers, I was practically a virgin. I’d never even walked into a Huey Magoo’s, the chain eventually crowned as champion, before this undertaking. Nor had I been to six of the other 10 competitors. And I haven’t been back since.
I don’t eat chicken tenders.
But I will eat the &$%!! out of some rotisserie chicken.
The past several months in particular have seen me on a perpetual protein quest as I set a goal to slim down.
I have dropped a little over 10 pounds thus far, an achievement that’s been well served by snagging these easy grabs from wherever I might be at the moment. I love roasting my own chicken at home, but truthfully, between the expense of the poultry and the time it takes to cook… I’d rather just tear the leg off in my car and scarf it in the parking lot. I have places to be.
Chicken tender bender: Ranking the fast-food faves
It was in this spirit that Bencomo and I decided to revisit the ranking, this time with healthier rotisserie fare. Biggie’s wife, Kristen, a busy working mom herself, joined the party, too. Like my own, their family partakes of grab-and-go rotisserie on the reg.
The criteria? A scale of one to five ranked the birds for juiciness, flavor and skin. Price and weight were also noted for value-related considerations. All seven chickens were acquired within minutes of each other. We grabbed as many as we could in the time we all had, and taste-tested as soon as we got them to the lab.
And by the lab, I mean Biggie’s kitchen.
The bulk of this ragtag flock was quite visually appealing, but scores were dramatically lower than any of us had anticipated. Apparently, we’re a picky bunch.
7. BJ’s Wholesale Club: $4.99, 2.11 pounds
In hindsight, mostly due to the fact that just this past weekend I grabbed an absolutely stellar four-pack of rotisserie leg quarters from a different BJ’s in another part of Florida, I feel like Biggie hit this place on a bad day. But the numbers are the numbers. All three of us gave the skin a zero for both texture and flavor, despite making generous allowances for each chicken’s time in its respective bag or container during the ride home.
“It looks pretty, but it has no flavor,” Kristen Bencomo observed.
We all agreed that the chicken received .5s across the board in this category, for which we taste-tested light and dark meats on each.
Both Bencomos were more generous when it came to the moisture quotient, giving the bird a 2. I went 1.5.
Perhaps it’s just a matter of which BJ’s you visit and who is manning the machine at this popular big-box club.
6. Pollo Tropical: $12.99, 1.11 pounds
I recognized the folly of this brand’s inclusion the moment its jingle, burned into my brain since my time living in Miami, earwormed out of my head.
“Pollo Tropical … chicken on the grill… !”
Theirs is not a rotisserie bird, but rather marinated and flame-grilled. But it was there, so we decided to rank it anyway, hoping the kiss of the fire might impart better flavor (if so, we didn’t notice). Instead, it banished the bird’s moisture to an alternate universe. This was by far the driest of the lot.
Value-wise, there are also better deals than a solo chicken here, which comes cut up in a styrofoam takeaway box. Its ratings overall weren’t much better than BJ’s, just different, but none of them rose above a 2.
5. La Granja: $15, 2.5 pounds
Peruvian pollo a la brasa is the specialty at La Granja restaurants, where, for this outing, a whole chicken consisted of four breast/wing segments but still afforded us a large enough sample of dark meat to judge. The Bencomos will often grab a La Granja, but admitted that its solo performance on this day was lackluster.
“This and the Pollo Tropical usually seem better,” he opined. “You’re eating it with rice and beans and plantains. It can be good because it’s marinated in orange juice and all this other stuff.”
Alas, without its carb-loaded compadres, it was 1s and 2s all day long. A sweep of the former in the case of juiciness. It beat out the previous overall, but was the lowest performer in terms of moisture.
Womp womp womp.
4. Walmart Neighborhood Market: $5, 3.2 pounds
The only thing in the case was lemon-pepper chicken, so I grabbed it, noting its heft for the price. Surprisingly, considering the supposed seasoning, the skin scored low. But when it came to juiciness, Walmart’s value-driven bird was a winner I would go back to. Especially since, for my purposes, sadly, the skin most often ends up in the trash. Also, no membership fee is required.
Down at the bottom of the bag, the base of the chicken was alive with lemon-pepper.
I’d pay something like $4 for a skewer of chicken oysters like these at an izakaya without even thinking about it. At Walmart, I get the whole three-pound bird for $5. And I don’t have to wait in line in a Mills 50 alley to get in, either.
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3. Sam’s Club: $4.98, 3.1 pounds
Convenience is king for Bencomo when it comes to Sam’s Club.
“We get that delivered,” he tells me. “When we need a meal, it’s the easiest thing. And even if I think another chicken is better, that’s not stopping me from getting a rotisserie chicken at Sam’s.”
The flavor on this chicken was solid enough to earn it a sweep from the three of us, rising higher than any of its predecessors; it outscored bottom-dweller BJ’s by six points. The price and weight are right, too. And it looked beautiful in its domed box.
2. Publix: $7.99, 1.15 pounds
That this scrawny little bird, with its higher sticker price, ended up at No. 2 was the surprise of the day for sure.
“This had the best breast out of all of them!” Kristen said.
We all agreed. Its overall juiciness was really impressive, something none of us expected.
The limited-edition Mardi Gras flavor probably didn’t hurt, with its punch of herbs, but this was the only thing available when I stopped in. And even in its insulating bag, the skin held up best of all, outranking even the No. 1 pick.
I buy Publix chicken quite often (damn you, convenience), and I’m never unhappy with the flavor, only the size for the price.
I brought my scale to weigh each bird, and only Pollo Tropical’s specimen came in lighter (plus it was even more expensive).
With all this new knowledge, I won’t be so cranky about it in the future.
1. Costco: $4.99, 4.1 pounds
A monster chicken. A monster value. Kirkland is king.
But it’s notable that it only outscored Publix by one point when the numbers were tallied. Size definitely matters, though.
For the Bencomos, who use rotisserie chicken in other dishes, including quesadillas, stir-frys and other plates, it’s a sound choice.
On the flip side, I eat the chicken as-is 90 percent of the time (dry breast meat may get a chicken salad makeover, but that’s about it), and given the choice, I’d go Costco every time.
For me, the Remover of the Skin, limited-edition spices and sauces are a non-issue. I want meat.
“We’d buy any of these if we were in a pinch,” Kristen opined as we wrapped up. “I don’t think you can go wrong with any of them.”
Her husband agreed. So did I.
“I’d get any of them. It’s a great go-to. I have bags and bags of frozen rotisserie chicken in the fridge because, in a pinch, I can get it and toss it with rice and vegetables or use it on a salad. It’s a blank slate you can zhuzh up and do what you want.”
Rotisserie may not be considered “fast” food, but it is, undeniably, fast. It’s one of the places where my desire aligns with the masses.
Just give me the bird.
Find me on Facebook, TikTok, Twitter or Instagram @amydroo or on the OSFoodie Instagram account @orlando.foodie. Email: [email protected], For more foodie fun, join the Let’s Eat, Orlando Facebook group.
Loveable local options
You know we can’t leave you without at least a couple of indie chicken options, because if and when any of us are in these respective neighborhoods, and have the time to spare, we like supporting local above all else.
Athena Roasted Chicken: A family-owned staple in Maitland, the food is Greek, and the chicken? Magnifique! It’s not a Greek word, but I like rhymes. More: 487 S. Orlando Ave. in Maitland, 407-539-0669; athenachicken.com
Crocante on Wheels: Look for the rolling version of the city’s best Puerto Rican restaurant IMO, which you can find every Saturday at the Winter Park Farmer’s Market from 8 a.m. to 1 p.m. Not only do they do rotisserie chicken, but they have porchetta, pork belly and picanha, along with a side. More: 150 New York Ave. in Winter Park. (Note: they’re remodeling in June; catch them in July.)
Peruvian Chicken & Grill: Now here’s a family-owned spot for pollo a la brasa, along with other delights from this uber-flavorful South American nation. Grab it in Oviedo! More: 5420 Deep Lake Road in Oviedo, 321-203-4870; peruvianchickenandgrill.com
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