DEAR MISS MANNERS: Most seasons, I have dry skin and need to use lotion after I wash my hands. I prefer not to do this in a public restroom, but rather at the table upon my return.
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I do this discreetly, of course, often just under the table in restaurants. I am more comfortable locating the lotion container in my purse when sitting down, rather than in the restroom, what with wet counters, etc.
But my husband feels this is not proper. (He has eagle eyes and notices everything.) What do you think?
GENTLE READER: That Miss Manners has heard of worse offenses. And your rationalization sounds reasonable.
But the fact that it annoys your spouse nullifies both of our opinions.
She suggests you pose the problem to him and see what he advises. The prospect of holding dry, cracked hands after dinner might persuade him that moisturizing under the table is the lesser offense.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a good friend who lives near us and is part of a circle of friends who attend each other’s gatherings. This friend has become a doomscroller and is very agitated with the political scene.
I have asked him to please just try to enjoy our time together and keep the mood light at the parties we host. However, he can’t seem to avoid bringing up politics, and is intolerant of views that don’t align with his.
We feel like we must keep inviting him, as he lives nearby and would notice the cars in our driveway. Asking him nicely to respect our request hasn’t worked. What should we do?
GENTLE READER: One cannot police the conversation, even at one’s own party. But one can check on your other guests if you find them uncomfortably trapped by your neighbor friend, saying, “Joland, we talked about this. You promised you wouldn’t depress everyone with political talk at our parties. Now, let’s go get dessert. We made a lovely pavlova with strawberries from our garden …”
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Miss Manners — and Joland — know perfectly well that he made no such promise. But saving your guests from him — and him from himself — will no doubt be appreciated.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of ours is in a dire financial situation. She is presently in foreclosure of her home.
She sent us a $50 check as a gift for our new baby. I told her I would not deposit it, knowing her situation. She insists I do.
I am still holding on to it. What is the proper thing to do?
GENTLE READER: Deposit it. She insisted; she is already embarrassed enough about her situation, and this is no time to confuse her about what she has left in the bank.
Miss Manners suggests you then come up with a tactful and similarly face-saving gesture to help her. Providing meals, groceries or some accounting assistance might be more useful to her than the $50.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it impolite to send a handwritten note as an RSVP when directed on the wedding invitation to use a QR code instead?
GENTLE READER: No, it is not impolite. That it will also annoy the hosts is just butter on the bread.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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