Running off at the typewriter. …
College football athletic directors have the memory span of a goldfish.
Every time one of them finally lands a successful season, they immediately panic that somebody else is going to steal their coach. So they rush to hand him another contract extension he doesn’t need and another buyout that will eventually haunt the university.
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The latest contestant in this recurring game of fiscal stupidity is Miami.
After leading the Hurricanes to last season’s College Football Playoff and a run to the national championship game, Mario Cristobal has reportedly been given a hefty raise and perhaps another four or five years on his contract, which could push the deal to roughly 10 years and well over $100 million.
A raise? Absolutely.
A multi-year extension?
Why?
Florida State is still trying to escape the mess it created after extending Mike Norvell following his 13-1 season three years ago. The Seminoles rewarded one spectacular year with a massive long-term contract. Since then, the program has cratered, and now FSU would owe somewhere around $50 million if it wanted to fire him after this season.
That isn’t a contract.
It’s a hostage situation.
You would think Miami’s athletic department could simply point across the state and say, “Maybe we shouldn’t make the exact same mistake.”
Instead, it appears determined to do precisely that.
None of this is meant to diminish what Cristobal accomplished last season. He absolutely deserves a significant raise. Taking Miami to the national championship game was a tremendous achievement and a landmark moment for a program that had spent two decades trying to become nationally relevant again.
But why does a raise have to come with another four or five guaranteed years? Cristobal already has five years remaining on his existing contract.
FIVE YEARS!
It’s not as if he’s coaching on an expiring deal. If the Hurricanes want to reward him financially, then write him a bigger check.
What they shouldn’t do is mortgage their future.
One magical season doesn’t automatically make someone Nick Saban.
Need a reminder?
Ed Orgeron didn’t just take LSU to the national championship game. He won the whole thing with arguably the greatest team in college football history.
Two years later, LSU fired him.
College football changes overnight. Quarterbacks leave. Coordinators get hired away. Recruiting dries up. Injuries pile up. NIL dollars shift. The transfer portal can transform a contender into a pretender in a single offseason.
That’s why handing out decadelong guaranteed contracts after one great run is financial malpractice.
And here’s another inconvenient fact: Cristobal still hasn’t won an ACC championship at Miami.
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Yes, he reached the national title game. Yes, the season was a huge success. But shouldn’t sustained excellence matter? Shouldn’t a coach build a championship program over multiple years before he’s rewarded with generational wealth that extends well into the next decade?
Apparently not.
College athletic directors seem incapable of learning from one another’s mistakes. Every disastrous contract somehow becomes the justification for the next disastrous contract.
Jimbo Fisher.
Mel Tucker.
Brian Kelly.
Mike Norvell.
The list grows longer every year.
Meanwhile, universities plead poverty while asking legislatures for more funding, students pay higher tuition, and schools claim there isn’t enough money for everything from facilities to faculty salaries.
Yet there’s always enough money to guarantee another football coach nine figures.
If Miami wants to celebrate Cristobal’s remarkable season, fantastic.
Give him a raise. Give him a bonus. Build him a statue if he wins a national championship.
Just stop giving coaches unnecessary 10-year contracts.
Because history tells us exactly how these stories usually end:
With another athletic director explaining why paying tens of millions of dollars to make a coach go away somehow seemed like a good idea at the time.
SHORT STUFF: In a season-ticket promotion, Akron’ s football program is offering one lucky season-ticket holder a chance to be the “offensive coordinator for a game” and call plays for the opening series of the season opener against Robert Morris. From what I’ve seen of Akron football over the years, you really won’t be able to tell the difference between a fan calling plays and the Zips’ coaching staff. … The Atlanta Falcons have agreed to a three-year, $75 million contract extension with Bijan Robinson that makes Robinson the NFL’s highest-paid running back. That’s one expensive way to finish 8-9. … The Detroit Tigers trading back-to-back Cy Young Award-winner Tarik Skubal to the L.A. Dodgers has all of the critics saying the free-spending Dodgers are ruining baseball. It’s true. The Dodgers don’t make personnel moves; they just press the “Add to Cart” button. …
Did you see where 49-year-old Brock Lesnar has announced his official retirement from professional wrestling? If you own stock in folding chairs, you might want to sell. … MLS has just named Larry Berg as its new commissioner. His first order of business will be to do whatever Lionel Messi tells him to do. In fact, his first words upon being named the new commissioner were believed to be, “More cream in your coffee, Lionel?” … Indiana Fever guard Sophie Cunningham has caused a huge controversy in the WNBA by saying she supports not allowing transgender girls and women to participate in women’s sports. Only in the WNBA can an opinion that’s held by a large majority of Americans be treated like a five-alarm fire. … In response to new Florida Gators football coach Jon Sumrall’s wife revealing that her hubby likes to get twice-a-month pedicures, ESPN analyst Dan Orlovsky declared, “If you’re a dude, you don’t get pedicures.” Maybe if Orlovsky had paid more attention to his feet as a below-average NFL quarterback, he wouldn’t have run out the back of his own end zone to evade a pass rush.
LAST WORD: With Friday being National Sea Serpent Day, let us never forget the famous words of Peter, Paul and Mary: “Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea. And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee.”
Email me at [email protected]. Hit me up on social media @BianchiWrites and listen to my radio show “Game On” every weekday from 3 to 6 p.m. on FM 96.9, AM 740 and 969TheGame.com/listen.
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