DEAR MISS MANNERS: I notice more and more that in rural/suburban areas, pedestrians, bicycle riders and other people on the road are outright ignoring cars as they pass.
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That isn’t to say they’re wandering willy-nilly everywhere, just that they’re not acknowledging a wave from the driver in the vehicle.
I was raised to wave at folks on the side of the road, including road workers, bikers and anyone else using the shared space. I am in a device that is larger, faster and could potentially hurt them. By providing wide berth and a friendly wave, I’m acknowledging their existence, their right to use the space and respect for their peace.
To at least let me know they’re aware, can’t a wave be returned?
It’s a silly thing, perhaps, but it makes me wonder if people know about this tradition on the road.
GENTLE READER: Yes, but maybe we allow the bicyclists a reprieve. So that they can keep both hands on the handlebars.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I had a beautiful in-ground pool installed on our property this year. We live in a very rural area with a lot of land between us and the neighbors.
We have some close friends in the neighborhood and have invited them to swim. Although they have visited and enjoyed sitting by the pool, none have taken the plunge.
A new couple moved into the neighborhood and invited us to dinner, along with a couple of other neighbors. Upon leaving, I said we would have them over in return sometime.
The husband responded with “Can we swim in your pool?” in a somewhat joking manner. Since I felt that these very respectable people would not take advantage, I said “Sure, anytime.”
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Our summer has been busy, so we have not had a chance to invite them back. Do we need to hurry before the cooler temperatures set in, so that the invitation can include the swim that he mentioned? Or are we only obligated to honor the promise we made to have them over for dinner?
GENTLE READER: You will be relieved to hear that “Sure, anytime” is not binding. Frankly, Miss Manners is relieved that this question was not about the neighbors taking your words literally and using the pool without your consent.
You indeed are obligated only to invite the neighbors back over eventually. But if it is not before the weather cools, it would be gracious to add your apologies for not doing so during pool season. Then try harder next year.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: As we are in an election year, help me figure out what to say when a friend asks for your political endorsement, but you think she would be terrible in that elected position.
I love this friend dearly, but she absolutely does not have the temperament for the job.
GENTLE READER: Maybe, for the sake of the friendship, do not tell her that.
Miss Manners suggests instead something noncommittal such as, “I am so proud of you. What a worthy endeavor!” And when she inevitably presses for your support, “I’m not sure what I’m doing yet, but I think it’s so great that you are trying to make the world better.”
If she does win, perhaps she will surprise you. Fortunately for the friendship, voting is still private.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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