DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a very good friend who has decided to propose to his partner, and I am absolutely thrilled for the couple!
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He is very well off, so price was not much of a consideration when it came to selecting the ring. However, he has never had much of an eye for jewelry, so he enlisted my help. I have years of experience working in the upscale jewelry industry.
In order to educate him on the topic, I began showing him a plethora of different styles of rings by a whole array of jewelers. Eventually we begin to narrow in on what he liked.
This is where the trouble begins. I made the mistake of showing him my dream ring. It’s a design by a very prominent jewelry brand that my friend had expressed dislike for in the past, which is perhaps why I felt secure in showing him this option. He became more excited about this design than he had for any of the literal dozens of others I had shown him until that point (and since).
In my defense, I did preface showing him this ring by stating that it was my dream ring, a sentiment I have repeated many times since. In his defense, he is the one in the process of getting engaged, and he is the one who can actually afford it.
I am single, and even if I were partnered, my would-be fiance and I would probably have to do some serious saving to afford this ring. I would likely have to accept that it was not in the cards, and would gladly take a different ring (or no ring at all) if that is how the finances worked themselves out.
Since I have already accepted that this ring was likely never in my future, I feel a bit silly over how bitter this ordeal has made me. I think I would feel better about it if my friend had at least acknowledged my love for this ring and had asked me if I was comfortable letting him propose to his love with it.
To make matters worse, I know my friend’s soon-to-be fiancee is not much of a jewelry person, and I suspect she would be just as happy with something out of a gumball machine. So the ring decision is very much my friend’s to make.
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How might I be able to move on from this and not feel peeved every time I see the left hand of my friend’s spouse?
GENTLE READER: There is no chance, Miss Manners assumes, of taking joy in seeing the ring that you love, but cannot have, on a good friend’s betrothed instead?
Your disappointment is understandable, even if the logic is not sound. If it will make you feel better, you may make one more attempt to have your friend abort the mission, saying wistfully, “You know, I really loved that ring and hoped that someday it would be mine, but the next best thing is for your future wife to have it.”
If it does not work, however, take solace in the fact that your future spouse will have the fun of looking for something even better that is not cost-prohibitive.
As a precaution, however, you should not share any beloved baby names with your friend. Clearly he cannot be trusted.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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