DEAR MISS MANNERS: Strolling through a state fair, a couple run into a national celebrity.
Read more UCF’s Duke Watson, Taevion Swint provide Knights with a 1-2 punch on the ground
Husband asks if he can take a picture of the celebrity and wife together. He clicks the shutter as the celebrity places a hand on the buttocks of his wife.
Impropriety or playful humor? Would it be an exaggeration to call this a groping?
GENTLE READER: One might think that the proper characterization of such behavior has evolved over 50 years, going from “Can’t you see it was a joke?” to disgust — and then, in some quarters, to an angry dismissal of anyone who would take offense.
These three responses sound like the respective voices of the participants to the encounter described: an embarrassed husband, willing to take the point of view of a star over his own wife’s; the disgusted wife; and the buttocks-grabbing celebrity.
Can any of these perspectives double as the voice of etiquette, which must speak for society generally? The celebrity — even if he is later judged innocent — must be excluded from consideration. He is the perpetrator.
In any event, there is no genuine difficulty in answering the general question, “Is it proper to grab a stranger in a sexual manner?” Of course it is not. At best, the celebrity is left blubbering about how such touching could be devoid of sexual content.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve started eating nuts and seeds as an afternoon snack. My nutritionist advised getting them in the shell so I have to “work” for my snack, and won’t mindlessly eat.
What should I do with the discarded shells? Should I have some kind of container on the table for them? Is there a proper and polite way to eat sunflower seeds so I don’t look like a baseball player spitting out shells?
Read more Week 4 Football Preview: Question marks galore for Orlando area teams
GENTLE READER: Baseball fans, who used to dump the shells on the stadium floor, now seem more inclined to return them to the container from which they came. You might do that when snacking on the run. But etiquette adapts to time and context. For an afternoon tea, Miss Manners would recommend a silver dish or dishes, preferably within easy reach.
There is a similar sliding scale for opening the little beasties, from gently prying them in more formal settings to biting them if you need your hands free to make the next pitch. The one constant is, inexplicably, what an enormous burden everyone agrees they are to unpack.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was searching for a long-term contractor in the litigation support field, a position that can be handled remotely.
When exchanging emails with a job applicant I was close to hiring, I asked her for the phone numbers of her references. She took offense. We subsequently had a tense email exchange, which ended in her withdrawing her interest in the position.
Was I wrong to ask for reference phone numbers?
GENTLE READER: No, but Miss Manners applauds you for asking anyway. A more suspicious employer would be wondering why the candidate was unwilling to provide information that is a very common part of a job application.
If she thinks you should just accept her evaluation of her own suitability for the position, she is going to adore how the company sets compensation levels.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
Read more Interior has greatest chance for showers and storms due to morning breeze