Dear Eric: Our son got married several years ago, and we contributed a nice sum of money toward the reception as we wanted to include some additional friends.
Read more A sloth exhibitor shut down in New York wants a comeback — and Florida licensed him
We have saved money for our daughter’s wedding as well. It appears that a wedding is not to be in her future. She lives out of town and has a good job, but that money would come in handy for the purchase of her own home.
My husband would like to have a vow renewal ceremony with a big party afterward. I don’t think we need to have a ceremony to have a party, but I think that may help ease his conscience about spending that money.
Should we spend it or give her the money? She has never mentioned this to us.
– Wedding Gift
Dear Gift: A gift that wasn’t asked for and isn’t known about isn’t likely to be missed. So, if you have other ideas about how to spend your money, you needn’t feel guilty about them.
From the outside, it might seem there’s a disparity between the way your son was treated and the way your daughter is being treated. However, contributing to the reception and/or house was your plan and it may not have been hers.
If you’re interested in helping her, there is probably a way to do both. Ask her about what her needs are regarding the house and how you might be of assistance. Then look at your party budget and see if there’s any wiggle room.
Dear Eric: I am having a hard time getting over an old fiancé from 2004 and the way this person went from “I can’t live without you” for six years to turning on me viciously.
I was so crushed. I am with a wonderful man now. But I just cannot figure this out.
I can’t and do not want to get in touch with him. It still stings after all these years. He was younger than me, but I don’t think it was that.
He pursued me like I was a huge prize. It lasted years. Not a cuss word between us. Until one night.
I am so angry at myself for getting involved in the first place because my life was great before him. I would appreciate any advice from you.
Read more Orlando Sentinel 150: Friday Flashback to planes on Colonial Drive
– Wish I Could Go Back in Time
Dear Time: When we lose love without warning, it leaves an open wound, and those wounds often refuse to heal without intervention. So, to that end, consider talking to a therapist about your feelings. There’s a lot unresolved here, but it needn’t stay that way.
Your therapist may coach you to forgive the past version of yourself for things you didn’t know or struggled to get over. You may also be guided to acknowledge that your current relationship may be supportive but may not be what you had hoped for. Acceptance is a huge part of recovering from breakups.
We don’t always bounce right back. We sometimes have to say, “I wanted something different, but I will figure out how to live with what I have.” Twenty years of pain must have been very hard for you. You owe it to yourself, past and present, to work with someone who can help you close the door and find peace.
Dear Eric: I have a suggestion for “Retired Guilty Parents,” who enjoyed traveling but felt guilty about it because their adult children were living paycheck-to-paycheck.
Our son, in his mid-20s, delighted us when he asked us if we would like to accompany him on a couple of his trips. We thoroughly enjoyed our time with him as an adult, and he prompted us to go places and try things we would never have done on our own. He also did the night driving for us and handled a lot of the internet research and booking.
We all paid our own way, which wouldn’t work for your letter writer’s family. But, if the parents have the means, they could invite their adult children on a trip as their guests, either singly or as a family. The children could enjoy a vacation that they wouldn’t have been able to afford otherwise, and the parents would benefit from a younger perspective and fresh ideas.
“Hanging out,” as the kids would say, with our adult children has been one of the highlights of our empty-nest years.
– Family Vacation
Dear Vacation: This is a wonderful option and might do a lot to assuage the guilt the letter writers are feeling. It’s good for them to prioritize enjoying themselves after working for years. And some of that enjoyment would likely come from spending leisure time with their family members.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
Read more Bianchi: Sean Sweeney comes with the edge the Magic need – and the pressure he can’t escape