In 1986, then-Orlando Sentinel columnist Bob Morris organized the weirdest parade in Orlando history – and it seemed to fit in just fine with the city.
Read more Afternoon showers and storms expected across Central Florida
It was the Queen Kumquat Shashay, and it was part of the annual Light Up Orlando downtown festival. While the main part of Light Up Orlando was at night, more than 20,000 spectators turned up in the afternoon to watch the Shashay – a sort of anti parade to the city’s annual Citrus Bowl parade.
Among the highlights in the first Shashay was the Lake County Lawyers Briefcase Drill Team, a group of well-dressed attorneys who chanted, “we’ll sue your mother.”
Here’s Morris’ column from 1986 announcing the parade:
Submitted for your approval, the minutes from the first Disorganizational Meeting of the Queen Kumquat Sashay Society, held last week and attended by a notable assortment of ne’er-do-wells and Great Thinkers who succeeded in racking up a $334 bar tab and laying the groundwork for a Truly Historical Event:
The meeting was called to order at’ about 7:34 p.m. by The Head ‘Quat, yours truly, who briefed everyone on the purpose of the Queen Kumquat Sashay: “To provide a fitting counterpart to the Citrus Bowl Parade by exalting the lowliest member of the citrus family and creating an atmosphere of fun, foolishness and out-and-out weirdness not heretofore seen in these parts.”
The Head ‘Quat then explained that while the Citrus Bowl will take place on Jan. 1 it seemed like just too darn much trouble to try to organize the Queen Kumquat Sashay for that same general time slot, what with the holidays and all.
That’s why the Sashay will take place on Nov. 8.
“Nov. 8?” shouted several horrified ‘Quatlings. “That’s only six weeks away!”
“No problem,” The Head ‘Quat assured them, “if it took longer than that to plan, then it wouldn’t be worth having.”
Besides, Nov. 8 is the date of this year’s Light Up Orlando festivities. The Sashay will kick it off with a spirited stroll down Orange Avenue to Barnett Plaza, where Mayor Bill Frederick will throw the switch that illuminates downtown for a night of partying.
The Head ‘Quat then introduced Elizabeth Kurz, Co-‘Quat and special events coordinator for Downtown Orlando, Inc., who gave a rundown on Light Up Orlando events. There will be lots of music: rock ‘n’ roll, country-Western, classical and jazz, on nine stages. There will be food. There will be drink. And a good time will be had by all of the 150,000 or so expected to turn out.
After watching a videotape of the 1985 King Mango Strut, the counter-Orange Bowl Parade in Coconut Grove that inspired the Queen Kumquat Sashay, a general state of anarchy prevailed during which time a basic Sashay lineup was agreed upon. It will include:
Read more Florida gas prices increased by 19 cents last week
Grand Marshal – Longfellow, the dead 2.49-inch cockroach and winner of the Column World Cockroach Contest.
Honorary Parade Marshals – Anyone with the first or last name of Marshal can be an Honorary Parade Marshal.
Miss Kumquat To be chosen from anyone who would like to apply. Little Miss Kumquat All girls ages 6 to 10 who want to be in the Sashay can be Little Miss Kumquats.
The Grits Brigade – Featuring a marching box o’ grits and a human bowl o’ grits and led by a tuba player.
The Lost Tribe of the Orlando Renegades Memorial Society and Precision Plastic Flamingo Drill Team.
People Who Think They Look Like Famous People.
The John Phillip Sousa Ghetto Blaster Marching Team.
The Lamar Hotel Marching Transients led by Captain Eola.
The Committee for the Restoration of Common Courtesy, featuring the CROCCETTES.
Other possibilities: A sashay society commemorating the massive Aug. 11 traffic jam on Interstate 4, a Citrus Canker Anti-Defamation Society, a “Rules Are Different Here” brigade and as many strolling accordionists as possible.
A number of ideas were dismissed with the Head ‘Quat, reminding everyone that he planned to bring his children to the Sashay so it has to be clean.
Before the meeting fell apart it was agreed to meet again Sept. 29 or 30 or somewhere around then and The Head ‘Quat issued the following statement, or at least he meant to: “The Queen Kumquat Sashay is looking for Sashayers. If any of the abovementioned groups appeal to you and you’d like to join in, then get in touch. Or if you have an idea and think you can round up some friends and neighbors to sashay with you, then get in touch too.
“All ideas must be approved by the Head ‘Quat and the Co-‘Quat who can be reached at 420-5441 and 849-2558 respectively. Prospective Sashayers will be judged on wholesomeness, mischievousness, preposterousness, lightheartedness and other -nesses as deemed necessary.
Read more Asking Eric: He keeps tracking dirt in the house. Am I being unreasonable?
“Mark your calendar: Nov. 8. And boy, is this gonna be some kind of fun.”
Respectfully, The Head ‘Quat.